come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize