return my video game
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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