I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
