wanna go halves on a baby?
she woke up with a sticky ear
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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