Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
COCAINE IS GR8
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