I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
