i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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