HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
