remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize