if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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