I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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