WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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