I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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