I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
