whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
