The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
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