youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
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