Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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