lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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