Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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