i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
