just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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