so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize