Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
we should paint friendship bongs
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