I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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