Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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