3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just want to make out with him forever
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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