Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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