If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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