You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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