cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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