That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Randomize
