I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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