He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
