Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
