I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
