My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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