I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
