How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Your cock deserves a montage
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
