even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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