thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
