bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
