On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
