He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
