I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
