I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
