You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
