told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
