I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
