Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
