She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
