i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
