Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
