I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
