so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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