I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
