Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
