dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
