i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i drank out of a bidet.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
