I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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