By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
