fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
