well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
