I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
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Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
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I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
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