had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
It's blow job season.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
