So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
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