he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
