i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
not ubering you a puppy
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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