i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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